I apologize for my absence. I don't usually do journals this personal anymore, but one last time I'll give it a shot, cause it's definitely important in how I see myself as an artist (although I'll keep it pretty short).
I'm coming out as transgender [ftm].
For most of my life, I've felt different from girls. When I was young, being called a girl was an insult to me. For many years after puberty (which was a painful experience for me because I was convinced before then that I had been misgendered at birth), I considered myself 'whitewashed' of personality... a mirror that sucked in girly shit and threw it back at people to make them happy. Often, poorly.
The last year, a great multitude of factors have bore me too thin to keep up a feminine appearance. It's been an exciting journey of self discovery, but due to many losses from my coming out (a fear that kept me in denial for all of highschool and most of college), I've also found it to be a very bitter experience that has launched me into a series of art concepts ranging from comical to sickening.
Crosswinds has always been a deep part of my escape, the beginning of the story itself is even based around Shailah's escape into another dimension where she discovers she's nothing like who she thought she was. However, after reading the entire script, I realized it's Kai -- not Shailah -- who I really put myself into.
Much of why I need a break is to reanalyze not only myself, but how I personally view the story that's kept me alive all these years. I believe this will create a healthy level of detachment from the storyline, which will allow me to work on it with less anxiety.
I don't hate who I was, it just wasn't me in the mirror... me walking down the street, me giggling... every day was lived with a hint of spite.
I just want my fucking goatee already
Anyway, with that said, I might be missing for a little while yet as I continue my journey down the rabbit hole and settle my brains, except for some artworks that further help me explore my identity. If you are interested in seeing these works, please feel free to vote on my poll... otherwise, be assured I'm the same careless narcissist that I was before -- just, with more "sir". ~Nagori K.*
P.S. is Nagori Kirashi a girly name? The shits I don't give. Cheers, ladies and gentlemen....
Polye Krasni: non-anime